When your life is messed up and you feel like your drowning…
My boss asked me want I wanted to do, after.
I couldn’t really tell him. Heck, I had a hard time, saying it myself. Guess my decision boiled down to a cross between sheer panic about what I could see looming over me for the near future, work-wise, and a deep disatisfaction with what I hadn’t achieved in my year and a half here.
Basically, I seriously, honestly wanted to get the hell out of this rut I had, before I realized it, found myself trapped in. You know, all work, no social life, no real job satisfaction, a feeling of isolation so deep I panicked one night, lying in bed before sleep. That’s when I started to get scared.
So, what’s it all mean? Hope for something better, take care of the stuff I’ve neglected, grow and learn, that kinda high-faluting stuff.
Then I read a blog. It said, “Hey, we all want to change our lives: stop smoking, lose weight, quit drinking, fall in love.”
And I realized, shit, yeah, I knew I wanted to change my life. Hated it as it was, hated me as it was. But in the end, the above comes pretty close. Except I don’t smoke, so that’s three things I really wanted to accomplish, by jumping ship.
But maybe I’ll just settle for finding love, and the rest will take care of itself.
Things are already looking up, I just need to last like another three weeks. Three weeks! God help me. And god help the poor guy who’s left behind to pick up my mess. Wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, except it’s that or self-destruction.
