Shiny Happy People
I finished a book, a few days ago, in which the heroine had a vision of herself in the future, where her brother and sister had married and left, and she was left alone to care for her mother grown old… and she had nothing but her oppressive duty.
It scared the heroine, and it scared me too. For she saw very clearly her bleak, empty life, the result of despair and complete withdrawal after seeing her love marry someone else. She saw no escape, no way to touch what she wanted. What she saw, could easily be my future too.
What would it be, if I never found “the one”?
I’m tired. I’m sick of repeating the hurt. I hate hating myself for not being able to get what I want. I’m just sad and jealous and upset and depressed and a host of other really negative mental states, and I have a frickin’ huge proposal in a tight deadline looming with 2 people to direct, and here I am spewing my guts when I should be hammering out the concept for the ultimate real estate search engine slash portal in Japan… and I just can’t get you out of my head.
And to think, a week ago I was high on endorphines. Ahhh, fuck love, I should just start running 10 klicks again.
